Weeping & Wailing and The Nashing of Teams

A lot of news floating around the NBA today; let's start with the most enjoyable:

Dreams really do come true. David Stern again selects Ray Allen as the injury replacement for the East All-Stars. That giant howling sound you just heard coming from Ohio wasn't an arctic wind, it was the groan of 2 million Cavalier fans over the déjà-snüb of their beloved Mo Williams. I won't lie: I was praying, literally praying, that this would happen. Why? Because delusion is fun, and tortured fans are priceless humour. So let the tears flow and the belly-achers blow.

I'm basking in the comments over on ESPN; here's my favourite:

St.Rufus IV
And if you think Lebron is the only guy on the Cavs...I will give you Exibit A, which is the most recent West coast trip...Mo averaged over 30 for those 7 games.

Hmmm. Seven-game roadtrip? Does that include some NBA Cares games against local girl-scout troupes? And 30? What, points? Perhaps he meant minutes? For the record, the Cavs haven't had a roadtrip longer than 4 games all season, and Mo hasn't even sniffed 30 ppg over any 7-game stretch all year. In fact, he's only topped 30 points twice this season; it's kinda hard to average a total you don't even reach. On their recent four-game West trip, he did manage to average a nice, respectable 22.

But you know by now, Cleveland gots dat new math goings on over there. I knew I smelled delusion when I saw that comment, I had to go look it up. Nice lie nice try Rufus.

Hey Cavs, don't blame Stern, blame LeBron for taking all those shots away from Mo the other night versus the Knicks. 9 points on 3-12 shooting with 2 assists in the world's greatest arena is an All-Star? Folks, no one wants to risk seeing that kind of performance in Phoenix. Certainly not grand-chancellor Dave.

Phoenix has begun accepting trade offers for Amare Stoudemire and any other player not born in Canada. Which begs the question: since when did 35-year old matadors become untouchable cogs for building a team based on defense? Granted, I don't think they should part with Nash either. I just like pointing out how hapless the Steve Kerr reign in Arizona has been.

Elton Brand's shoulder will likely need surgery, which ends his 2008-09 campaign. That's tuff on the brother, but on the bright side, we can now ink the 76ers for a playoff spot and Andre Iguodala for a few more player-of-the-week votes.

The Magics and Bucks swapped backup guards, sending Tyronn Lue to play alongside Superman-II. As long as Mikael Pietrus stays healthy, they won't miss Keith Bogans too much. And as long as Lue can keep shooting 46% from behind the arc, this is a real good look for the Magics. Is there another (available) player around the league who is any more like Jameer Nelson than Lue? Talk about sticking with your formula. If it ain't broke...

The Bucks of course needed to fill minutes lost due to the injured Michael Redd, and Keith Bogans can...blah blah blah blah blaaah. My apologies Buck fans, I don't mean to be rude; maybe I should be more interested in who earns the right to get beat up by the Celtics/Magic/Cavawailers in the first round, but right now my ADD is kicking in.

The Catch III? Or is it IV?

I can't remember when last a single play completely changed my feelings about an entire game. Up until that last drive and the great catch, this was a slightly annoying, somewhat unsatisfying game. There were officiating calls that, regardless of your leanings, had to make you cringe, a few bungled plays here and there, interspersed in a handful of tremendous plays. That play to end the first half was one for the books. To follow that lineup up the sideline with his convoy the kinda suspenseful fun you had to enjoy. Unless you were wearing red that day of course.

But Holmes' catch was indescribably sensational. Actually, Big Ben's pass was equally incredible. A perfectly-placed pass, a perfectly-caught ball, perfectly-placed feet. That was pure art.

Honestly, after Holmes came down with the ball, I jumped up and yelled at the top of my lungs. I'm pretty certain my very significant other was either embarrassed or shocked -- in that "who is this crazy person I let drive me around?" sense -- probably a little of both. I couldn't help it. I always loved the wide receiver position; that was the part of the game I liked most and the position I always wanted to play as a kid. Anytime I see a great play by a receiver, it just means that much more to me. And this...was...tremendous.

Every time they showed the replay after that, I was back to yelling: "ohhhhhh!" I think I wanted to jump thru the screen and give Holmes a pound myself. I haven't even dialed it up on youtube yet, for fear that I may bust out yelling here in the office.

Of course, I've seen dozens of tippy-toes catches over the years. I've loved every one of them. But I can't remember any that were at a bigger stage of a game. Man!

That got me to remembering one of my all-time favourite NFL-catches; actually, this may probably is my all-time favourite:

* Terrell Owens vs. Green Bay, 1998
I remember it like it was yesterday. Green Bay beating my beloved 49ers in the playoffs had become an annual ritual. Literally. I braved the beginnings of the New York blizzard of '96 to watch the game, only to have it get out of hand before I even got in front of a TV. The 1997 rematch was a beatdown so identical I had to make sure my VCR wasn't on.

And here we were again, one last, desperate, no-hope play until the clock ran out on yet another season, yet again at the hands of the Packers. Sitting on my futon couch, I leaned all the way back, put my feet up to simulate an upright fetal position, and sulked. The joy of 1995 was now about as far away a memory as breast-feeding. "Why the hell can't we beat these cheese-eating mofos?" I thought to myself as they lined up on scrimmage. The ball is snapped, and after a couple steps, quarterback Steve Young stumbles while dropping back from center. My eyes roll; sure, let's just do away with even the mere formality of a hopeless hail-mary. But Steve catches himself, keeps his feet under him, and continues to drop into the pocket. A quick bounce at the end of his drop, and he steps forward to sling the desperation pass. Ho hum. The camera pans to the end zone, and the ball disappears between two Green Bay defensive backs, who crack the red jersey in between them simultaneously. A 49er falls to the endzone turf and starts rolling around, while three Packers pace about bewildered. As was I: "wait, what's going on?" Just then, an official runs into view, with two arms raised high above his head. Wait; touchdown? Touchdown??? He caught it, he caught it! I leaped up off the coach and blared out. Oh shit! He caught it!

De-Ja-Oh-No Not Again!

Lakers' Bynum to miss 8-12 weeks with MCL tear

Wow. The similarities are eerily endless. I'm sure you've heard them already. Colliding with a teammate in a loose-ball situation. Playing against Memphis on January 13th; playing in Memphis on January 31st. A knee injury halting 6 straight high-quality performances (3 double-doubles, 3 games with 9 boards); a knee injury after 5 scintillating, All-Star-caliber double-doubles. I suppose the only thing different about the two injuries is that G.W. Bush is no longer in office.

Really and truly, my heart sunk for this kid when I originally heard of and saw the play that injured him. Then it sunk again when I heard the MRI results today. Bynum, if you couldn't tell by now, is one of my favourite young ballers. During his rookie year I declared on one sports forum that the kid will one day be a beast; my opinion was summarily dissed, laughed at, and beat upon. I got counter-declarations of future beasts for everyone from Gred Oden to Hakeem Warrick to -- gasp -- Eddy Curry. Two years later, those very same guys were themselves posting about how good Bynum had become, with one in particular never failing to copyright me anytime he used 'Bynum' and 'beast' in the same sentence. In short, I'm a big fan.

I'm going to have to placate myself by watching even more Orlando Magic games -- wait, that's not really possible at this stage. Maybe I'll check on guys like Rose, Roy, Durant, and Beasley a bit more. Ahh. It's sad that I find this depressing and I'm not even a Laker fan. I can't imagine how frustrated he must feel right now. I know I'd be banging a few walls around the house. Rest up, work hard, and get well soon Drew.

Frozen Out In Minnesota

So the Timberwolves players and brass are complaining about two all-star weekend snubs from their recently-reincarnated-from-the-dead team. While we're usually loathe to give extra credence to partisan howling, there may be a little validity to their claims.

No Love
First up is the lack of Love in the Rookie-Sophomore challenge -- the snub of T-Wolves forward Kevin Love. Yes, the numbers do point to a productive player; high (or is it the highest?) per-minute averages in rebounding and...uhh, wait, it's just rebounding. Well, OK. His per-minute scoring isn't too bad either, but naturally, the Wolves are conveniently neglecting just how slowly Love's NBA career started. His play in 2009 has merely subdued what was, for a long time, resounding criticism of GM McHale's draft-day trade of OJ Mayo for Love.

Quibbling over numbers aside, there is definitely one curious element of the Rookie squad selections that works as an argument for Love. Of the 9 players on the team, exactly one is a forward. There are 5 guards, 3 centers, and one forward. Huh? Rudy Fernandez is listed as a combo guard, but if you've seen him play, you can see he's more guard than forward. And if the 12-member all-star teams don't have 3 legitimate centers, how do the rooks end up with 3 for only 9 slots? Their centers aren't even of the F/C combo, Chris Bosh, Tim Duncan-breed. Greg Oden, Brook Lopez, and Marc Gasol are traditional centers in every sense. And I have the overwhelming feeling that no one in Jersey, Tennessee, Spain, or anywhere else in the world would've batted an eye if Lopez or Gasol weren't selected.

But for all of McHale-and-company's pontificating about per-minute numbers, perhaps if they played him more minutes, more folks would notice him? Not really a point, just a thought.

In any case, for all the great guards (Rose, Mayo, Westbrook, Gordon) that the rooks are fielding, the sophomore forwards are gonna have a field day scoring over those smallish guards and around those not-exactly-fleet-footed centers. I get the feeling Kevin Durant is about to make all-star Friday his personal showcase.

Maybe this (poor team construction) is why the Rookies rarely win the challenge?

Another Year Without Al
Al Jefferson should've been an all-star reserve over David West. Really, I'm not sure what much more this guy has to do to get recognized as one of the 12 best in the conference. Fitting him on the team within the format is pretty easy. Your guards are Billups and Parker, Dirk and Pau are your forwards, and Shaq is the center, leaving Brandon Roy and Big Al as the wildcards. I don't think anybody saw the selection of David West coming. Did we mention that he's currently out with back spasms, yet the Hornets have won 4 of their 5 games without him? Including 2 blowout wins over Denver and Philly? Or that it was Big Al's T-Wolves that gave N'awlins that one loss?

The good Lord knows I don't wish injury on anyone, but let's say West's back doesn't loosen up in the next couple of weeks. Granted, I know that is quite a long time to be out with mere spasms, but in that unlikely scenario, I'm hoping the NBA's commissioner-emperor-chancellor-supreme will make the right pick.

Don't get me wrong, West is a good player, though I say all-star level with a bit of reservation. But c'mon. This is Big Al we're talking about. The winters are beyond cold in Minnesota. Have a heart. Give the guy at least one weekend in Arizona.

The 2009 All-Star Reserves

Yes, I'm a bit late, but as long as I ink my picks before 8pm tonight, I'm safe. Now, I could pick the bench based off my earlier picks for the starters, but that would be taking the easy way out. Every year, the fan voters make it hard(er) to pick the reserves because of an inevitable two or more questionable choices. I'll stick to the rules of: 2 guards, 2 forwards, one center, and 2 wildcards. The rules do have the extra stipulation to allow for a bit of fudging on the position choices if necessary -- otherwise known as the "don't bother trying to pick another center in the East" corollary.

East Reserves:
Guards: Devin Harris, Jameer Nelson
Forwards: Danny Granger, Paul Pierce
Center-sorta-kinda-sometimes-whenhehastobe: Chris Bosh
Wildcards: Joe Johnson, Vince Carter

Just missed out: Ray Allen/Rajon Rondo, Caron Butler/Antawn Jamison, Rashard Lewis/Hedo Turkoglu, Mo Williams, Gerald Wallace

Keep in mind, you can't take everyone. Yes, people may scoff at my two wildcard picks, but they have certainly carried their respective teams at times during this half-season. Blame the fans. I shouldn't have to be curbing my choices around the Allen Iverson selection.

West Reserves:
Guards: Brandon Roy, Kevin Durant
Forwards: Dirk Nowitzki, Pau Gasol
Center: Al Jefferson
Wildcards: Chauncey Billups, Tony Parker

Just missed out: Paul Millsap, Shaquille O'Neal, Carmelo Anthony

Again, you can't blame me. I didn't put Matadorilla Gorilla in the starting 5. Millsap especially, his 20+ player efficiency rating alone, plus what he's been doing in Carlos Boozer's absense, definitely deserves a spot. We all want to reward Shaq's fountain-of-youth resurgence, but, Al Jefferson's been a beast for far too long to not be recognized.

For reference's sake, here are the starters chosen by those wonderfully-impartial fans:

East: Allen Iverson, Dwyane Wade, LeBron James, Kevin Garnett, Dwight Howard

West: Kobe Bryant, Chris Paul, Tim Duncan, Amare Stoudamire, Yao Ming

Renaissance Men

Some slowly developing stories in the NBA concern a pair of teams that have made significant changes, and are now seeing their fortunes turn around and benefits being reaped. Do you know the team with the best record in the NBA so far in 2009? Nope, not them. Nope, try again.

It's the 9-2 Minnesota Timberwolves. Yes, you read that right. Come on, show of hands, who didn't think that McHale coming down from the front office wasn't Isiah circa 2007 deja vu? Who? Come on, keep 'em up. Granted, they have been playing a lot of middling competition (Clippers, Grizz, Warriors, Thunder, Phoenix Suns), and I'm betting the next month won't look like the current one (Lakers twice, Celtics, Blazers, Jazz, Hornets, etc). But it wasn't too long ago when the Wolves looked like the Dallas Academy might give them problems, so, improvement is indeed improvement.

The other renaissance team, the Charlotte Hornets -- uhh, Bobcats. (How can anyone be expected to get used to that name?) As I write this blog, they are giving the West-leading Lakers all they can handle and a bit more -- 5 point lead with 2 minutes to go.

Kevin McHale and Larry Brown. A couple of guys at the beginning of the season you just figured had no idea what they were doing, in the midst of reviving their images and perhaps their careers.

Wow! Update on the Lakers-Horn--uh, Bobcats, game. Into OT, and in the first two minutes, it's been the Kobe and Andrew show. The sequence reads like this: Bynum wins tap, Kobe makes jumper, Bynum blocks shot, Kobe rebounds, throws ahead to Bynum for dunk. After another Bynum board and a Kobe miss, Bynum blocks another shot, Kobe rebounds again, Kobe converts a layup. That's what you call a 2-man game. And then...Kobe Bryant commits his sixth foul?!? When was the last time you ever heard of Kobe fouling out of a close game? Or anyone of his caliber for that matter? The 2nd overtime without Kobe, this oughta be interesting. Very interesting.

Well, not quite interesting. More like predictable. Valiantly, the Lakers tried to depend on Bynum for the better part of the session, but eventually the loss of their ace-in-the-hole, along with Gasol and Jordan Farmar coming up dry tonight, did the Western Conference leaders in. Methinks Kobe Bryant just earned a few more MVP votes tonight (I mean, was that Cleveland's Mo Williams with 42 points?).

But yes, for the record, LeBron still leads the MVP race by far. Seeing the Lakers implode though made the view of the race a little fuzzier.

Dallas vs. Covenant: Ineptitude, or Just Plain Rude?

So the sports world is awash in dissecting the 100-0 girls high school game that took place last week in Texas between Covenant Christian School and Dallas Academy. I'll dispense with all the backstory, as I'm sure you've either heard it or have the internet to be able to read about it. You didn't come here the get the run-of-the-mill reporting did you?

The question is, was this a case of bad sportsmanship, or just an unavoidable beatdown by an overmatched opponent? Well, the view from Mars seems to be pointing to a growing mountain of evidence to the former. The first damning piece of evidence I read was from a parent, who stated that the Covenant girls were using a full-court press and jacking up threes for most of the game, until they reached the century mark. Hmm. A full-court press in a blowout is, obviously, about as sportsmanlike as kicking an unconscious opponent in the head for a half-hour. 1 + 1 = 2, and full-court-press + blowout = bad sportsmanship. This is not up for debate.

However, the now-fired Covenant coach has apparently disputed the claim that he was using a full-court press throughout the game; in fact, he says that once the game reached 25-0 in the first 3 minutes, he got his players to lay off, play a 2-3 zone, and emptied his bench for the remainder of the game. All ostensibly actions that are well within honourable measures at respecting the game.

But, alas, the plot thickens. At least one Dallas coach responded to that claim to say that, while Covenant did abandon the full-court press, they merely returned to an "alternate press later in the game". While I'm not sure what exactly an "alternate" press is or why he'd needlessly use such an ambiguous word, we'll have to nevertheless allow this as evidence for the prosecution.

But the final bit of evidence, sadly, comes from the defense. The Covenant coach, in defending his actions, released a quarter-by-quarter box score: 35-24-29-12.

Does anyone see a problem here? Let's go back to the coach's argument that he backed off after the score reached 25-0. Hmm. So let's see, you played the same way for the remainder of the game, thru the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th quarters, and while you racked up 24 and 29 points in the middle 2 quarters, you somehow managed a mere 12 fourth-quarter points? The 12 points which just, by a randomly amazing coincidence, took you right up to the century mark?

Riiiiight. My finely-tuned bullshitometer just blew a fuse.