The Day The (NBA) World Stood Still

Thursday, December 8th, 2011: this date will go down in infamy as the day (nearly) every NBA writer proved themselves to be petulant, blithering, tantrum-throwing children who let feelings instead of the gray matter inside their skulls dictate the keystrokes on their laptops. The reaction to the NBA's blocking the proposed Lakers-Rockets-Hornets deal was immediate, pronounced, scathing, overblown, and absolutely hysterical.

Yes, I'm talking about you, Bill Simmons, J.A. Adande, Michael Wilbon, et. al. Your yelling-fire-in-a-crowed-theater act was utterly disgraceful. The ironic thing about the whole situation is that all of your writings collectively did more to harm the NBA's image and credibility than you claim David Stern's move did. Well, you, together with that equally-petulant child that owns the Cleveland franchise.

The league -- as current owner of the New Orleans Hornets -- said they rejected the deal for "basketball reasons", everyone scoffed, and the phrase became the joke du jour for the entire weekend. Yet, now the Hornets and LA Clippers have submitted a completely different deal, and suddenly all of you have entire egg factories to wipe off of your faces -- or, you would, if your audiences weren't even more hysterical than you. New Orleans is a franchise that will be looking to rebuild after losing their marquee player (having already lost their 2nd-best player in David West) and entice a new owner in the process. Let's compare what the Hornets were getting in the deal that was axed with that of the new proposal:

Rejected deal:
Lamar Odom (32 years old), Luis Scola (31 yrs.), Kevin Martin (28 yrs.), a draft pick, and Gordon Dragic (25 y...wait, who really cares?) Dragic's inclusion reeks of the following exchange between Del Demps, GM of the Hornets, and Daryl Morley, the Rockets GM:

Demps: "Well, we're gonna need a point guard since we're losing CP3"
Morley: "Oh OK. Ummm...." *looks up and down roster sheet repeatedly*
Demps: "*sigh* Hello?"
Morley: "Ummm...." *closes eyes, waves index finger in a circle, then touches roster*
Morley: "Hmm...Drago, yea sure, take this Drago guy."

Latest deal:
Eric Gordon or/and Eric Bledsoe (both 22 yrs. old) or/and Minnesota's unprotected 1st-round draft pick, Al-Farouq Aminu (21 yrs.), Chris Kaman (29 yrs. and a soon-expiring contract)

Which sounds like the better deal for a franchise that is losing it's face, it's one marquee player, and needs to rebuild from scratch? For a franchise that needs to attract a buyer? Who would YOU restart a franchise with: an aging Lamar Odom, or young stud Eric Gordon? Look up from your keyboards for a minute and take a peek at a calendar. By the time a new owner is secured, the principle players of the killed deal will be 33, 32, and 29 years old. Maybe older, if finding a buyer takes another year or more. Who in the world wants to purchase a team whose best players are all in their waning years, and two of whom will be ready to retire 3 years into your investment? This is what you call a winning strategy for securing a new owner? Please, for your sakes, do not ever try to start a business. It is clearly not for you.

You all demonstrated the foresight of an adolescent child, which is precisely what you sounded like in your rambling babbling writings. Each of you owe David Stern and the league an apology; an apology I know naturally is never coming. Adande for starters wrote another diatribe of an article just today, and included this gem:

"you can't say that this deal is any better than the Lakers/Rockets offer. Younger and cheaper, yes, but not better."

Umm, Mars to Adunderhead -- this deal is better BECAUSE it is younger and cheaper. Seriously, why are we being subjected to this total dismissal of foresight? Is there some website I can go to where people on the level of random internet forum commenters aren't masquerading as critically-thinking writers?

While you all sat in furious rage lambasting the alleged lack of "basketball reasons", guess what? The basketball reasons abso-freakin'-lutely made the most sense. From both a business and basketball standpoint, the new deal they are trying to secure is 50 times more appealing for the long-term health of that franchise. This is not even remotely debatable.

An ongoing ESPN poll had roughly 76% of the voters (over 15,000 votes when I checked) saying the old deal was the better one. I blame this gross lack of foresight and group-non-think on these over-hysterical sportswriters -- well, that, and the American education system (but that's another article for another day). An Odom-Scola-Martin-led team is a team of now with no foreseeable future of which to speak, a team only the most desperate of buyers will want. What happens if shopping the Hornets drags on for another year or two? Now we're talking about 34-year-olds as the face of the franchise. Brilliant.

All those articles smacked of a hatred of David Stern, plain and simple. They were knee-jerk reactions without a moment's pause for objectivity or forethought. "Stern axed the deal? Oooh he's cow-towing to the owners!" For the record, I am no David Stern fan. I disagree with his moves, opinions, and posturing as often as it rains in Seattle (there's a bit of hidden meaning behind that analogy; can you find it?). But, knowing this, any time some new move comes about, I take time to pause and consider: am I hating on this simply because I'm predisposed to disliking Stern, or would I disagree with this no matter the source? Am I jumping to conclusions -- you know, like you did with the owners? Or is there validity in this opinion?

Some of you should take stock of your emotional states. Reading your articles made me think I was judging entries from a Bipolar Essay Writing Competition. Last Thursday (and Friday) will truly go down in infamy, but not in the way your knee-jerk reactions stated. Has there ever been a day that has seen more misguided caterwauling and crying en masse? Someone contact Guinness Book or the Elias Sports Bureau. Yes, the image of the NBA suffers (even more). And Stern and his cronies will have to work hard to repair the damage that you thoughtlessly and recklessly caused.

Annnd We're Off! NBA Offseason Madness Day 1, Part II

My oh my oh my. Was this really only the first day of the NBA free agency season? How can we top all that transpired yesterday, short of a 5-team trade that brings LeBron, Howard, Wade, Durant, and Kobe to the Minnesota Timberwolves? Let's start with a short summary of the (rest of the) day's events:

* Collective Bargaining Agreement is made official; play ball!
* Lakers attempt trade for Chris Paul; NBA slaps them on the hand and puts them on timeout
* Caron Butler to sign with the Clippers
* Celtics acquire Keyon Dooling for a 2nd-round pick...or for the Cheers Season 1 DVD and a bowl of clam chowder
* Thunder unsure what to do with Nate Robinson…but they know they don't him to play
* Dwight Howard reportedly will request trade to the Nets
* Previously free-spending Mark Cuban gets possessed by the soul of a Wal-Mart shopper
* Shannon Brown to sign with the Suns

First off of course is the mega-deal that was...and then wasn't. The Lakers, Hornets, and Rockets agreed to a trade to send Chris Paul to the Lakers, Pau Gasol to the Rockets, and Lamar Odom, Luis Scola, Kevin Martin, Gordon Dragic, and a 2012 pick to the Hornets. The NBA owners, most (if not all) of whom were hanging out in New York (presumably sipping bubbly bought with a bit of that 3 billion bucks they just wrenched from the players), caught wind of the trade, caught a collective hissy-fit, threw up their hands and raised all hell to David Stern about the three misbehaving kids in the back of the classroom. Stern, almost immediately, put the deal on hold, took a while to compose himself after a fit of laughter, then called the miscreant ringleader to the front of the classroom, whacked the back of his hand with a ruler and took away his shiny new toy.

Seriously, this is one hilarious episode for everyone involved or emotionally invested. Hundreds of Laker fans are wiping egg off their faces and cursing the day David Stern’s parents went on their first date. ESPN’s J.A. Adande admonished the league for undercutting the Hornets, while ESPN’s John Hollinger praised the league for saving the Lakers from themselves. And Knick fans everywhere sighed in relief and went to sleep with renewed illogical hope that their prized free-agent would soon end up under Madison Square Garden’s Christmas tree. But let me go back to Laker fans for a moment, who are saying en masse that David Stern blocked this trade because he hates their team so much. Lemme get this straight: 9 years ago, everyone said Stern pushed the refs to let the Lakers beat the Kings; 4 years ago, everyone said Stern let the Gasol trade go thru because he so wanted the Lakers to be elite again; last year, everyone said Stern was beside himself with schoolgirl-giddy joy, rolling around like a lottery winner in mounds of cash and bathing in tub-fulls champagne, because the Lakers and Celtics back were in the Finals…and now Laker fans are submitting that David Stern actually hates the Lakers? You people cannot be serious.

However, there’s an angle to this mess that no one to this point seems to be discussing: the Rockets. Specifically: what on Earth in the name of Dr. James Naismith were they thinking? If the league saved the Lakers from shooting themselves in the foot, they saved the Rockets from dousing themselves in kerosene, lighting themselves on fire, and jumping off the roof of a skyscraper. You’re trading Luis Scola, Kevin Martin, Gordon Dragic, and 2012 pick to get…Pau Gasol? Really? To now have a team with Gasol, Courtney Lee, Chase Budinger, Jonny Flynn, Kyle Lowry, Hasheem Thabeet, Terrance Will…(ok, I can’t go on. The rest of the names only become increasingly anonymous.) Seriously, this is your plan for life after Yao Ming? Everyone complained about the 2008 Pau Gasol-to-Lakers trade, but I have always held that it was fair because of the Grizzlies’ stated need to shed salary and rebuild the team. The fact that the principle player they received, Marc Gasol, has blossomed into a very good center, and that the other acquired assets were flipped into Zach Randolph, has removed all validity from all arguments against the trade (not that this prevents the occasional babbling internet forum troll from whining about it to this day). But this Gasol trade? This truly defies logic. Unless I’m not paying attention, I have yet to hear anyone say the Rockets are in salary-cap hell. Everyone has been saying that their stated purpose is to find a center to replace Yao Ming. So, instead of going after Nene or the other available free-agents centers, you trade the only two players who’ve ever so much as sniffed a single All-Star vote for a power forward who’s never fared well when forced to masquerade as a center? Seriously? I need someone, some writer on the interwebs, to explain this to me. When I originally heard the trade was put on hold, I immediately assumed it was the Rockets who balked after speaking with Shane Battier, who, compelled by a sense of duty, called to give a brief history lesson on the futility of building a team with Pau Gasol and spare parts.

From a certain point of view, this trade hardly makes sense for the Lakers, either. You give up the only power forwards on your team, trading away the biggest advantage that made you a perennial contender? I know Chris Paul is a unique talent, but who in LA is going to play the 4, the artist formerly known as Ron Artest? Joe Smith? Derrick Caracter? Hell, why not Derek Fisher, or Derek Jeter for that matter? You couldn’t guard Dirk Nowitzki last April with three 7-footers, so your solution is one 7-footer and a pesky 6-footer? Teams like Dallas and Oklahoma City have spent the past 2-3 years getting bigger up front with the sole purpose of matching the Lakers size advantage. To trade it all away simply to get Kobe the point guard he’s always coveted is not the answer. And somehow swapping Andrew Bynum for Dwight Howard isn’t going to do the trick either. Unless you missed a lesson in basic math, 1-1+1=…1. In a way, I’m almost saddened this trade didn’t go thru. With Tyson Chandler all but gone from the Mavericks, the Lakers suddenly turning into a 6’6”-and-under league, the Rockets mutating into the 2005-2007 Grizzlies, the Spurs slowly rusting, and everyone else from Portland to Phoenix in a state of flux, you might as well just go ahead and pencil the Thunder and Grizzlies in for the Western Finals.

One of those teams in a state of flux would be the LA Clippers, with whom Caron Butler has agreed to sign. For Caron, it’s definitely a better fit with more longer-term upside than the aging Spurs, who he flirted with only one day earlier before wising up and siding with the young, fresh and green Clippers. For the Clips, they now have Wicked Blake, Eric Gordon, Butler, DeAndre Jordan, Al-Farouq Aminu, and others; for the most part, a young team with a fairly bright future. By all accounts, the Clips have only begun wheeling and dealing, so it probably makes more sense to wait for more moves before seeing how this shakes out. Caron makes them a decidedly better, if not quite a contending, team.

Back east, the Celtics acquired Keyon Dooling in a trade for a second-round pick...well, no one’s quite sure yet what exactly the Celtics have offered the Bucks for the privilege of acquiring Mr. Dooling’s services, after initially reporting they were giving up a draft pick. Did the “sources” not bother to mention it? Did the reporters not care enough to ask? Did the Bucks not care what they got in return? I can hear it now:

Phone rings in Milwaukee Bucks GM’s office
“Hi, this is Danny Ainge, of the Celtics.”
“Hey Danny, what’s up?”
“We’d like to trade for Keyon Dooling, we’ll offer…”
“You what? Sure, no problem, it’s a deal.” *click*

Whatever the reason, the fact that no one yet knows seems entirely appropriate.

The Thunder put Nate Robinson in purgatory. OKC’s GM is quoted as saying they don’t know what they’re going to do with Nate, but he’s not in the team’s plans going forward. Which, really, seems to be saying: we don’t want him, but we’re not sure anyone else wants him either. Poor Nate. It seems only months ago he was torturing the Knicks' Mike D’Antoni with alternating 20-point breakout nights and 2-12 shooting meltdowns. Then he drifts between two championship contenders, who, after giving him some initial playing time, eventually decide he’s much more valuable to the team as a cheerleader and seat warmer. And now this. This is definitely not a forward direction for his career.

Sources say that Dwight Howard will soon ask to be traded to the Nets. That egg on Laker fans’ faces is about to turn into an omelet. Seriously, show of hands: which of you are prepared to go forward with Kobe Byrant’s medically-regenerated yet ageing knees, Andrew Bynum’s freak-accident knees, and Chris Paul’s balky knee? I just love the hubris I’ve been seeing and getting from Laker fans, their absolute certainty that Howard was on the way. It’s been reported that Dwight Howard spent part of the summer having pow-wows with Deron Williams about the possibility of teaming up. Honestly, is there any better reason for Deron to come out and say he’s 90% certain he’ll stay in JerseyBrooklyn? And better yet, there have been whispers – quiet ones – that Dwight is at least somewhat apprehensive about looking like he’s willfully following Shaquille O’Neal’s entire career arc to the letter.

My To-Do List:
Get drafted by Orlando
Adopt Superman moniker
Lose NBA Finals
Force trade to Lakers

Now, unlike most fans, I don’t aspire to speak the thoughts of people whom I’ve never met, never spoken to, and likely have a snowball’s chance in hell of befriending. However, I can’t see how anyone in his position could not be sensitive to how this would look. He’d have to win 6 straight titles in LA to break out of Shaq’s shadow…and I’m having a little difficulty imagining Kobe in a ring ceremony at 39 years old. Not to mention having to be reminded of said shadow each and every Thursday when you tune into TNT and see Shaq’s smiling mug? Hell, I’ll say it: I personally would lose a ton of respect for Dwight (not that this matters any, but still...). I don’t care how much you want rings; there has to be a point where you say to yourself, “there’s got to be another team, another way”.

So apparently, the new CBA has transformed Mark Cuban from a free-wheeling big spender to a coupon-clipping bargain hunter? He is now looking to shed every free-agent salary – namely, Caron Butler, Tyson Chandler, J.J. Barea, and likely Deshawn Stevenson – to get under the cap? What? Did I just pass thru the looking glass? It’s said he’s setting himself up to get in on the 2012 free agency period. Umm Mark, if you haven’t heard, all of the prized free agents are going elsewhere. Let’s say Dwight decides to start anew in JerseyBrooklyn, and CP3 weasels his way to the Celtics, Lakers, or another suitor who doesn't care if he signs an extension. You really think a by-then-34-year-old Dirk is gonna be enough to convince CP3 to sign over the rest of his prime to the Mavericks? Especially with the Knicks, his preferred destination, employing Tyson Chandler, his preferred center? And after him, who’s left that you covet so highly? I think Cuban’s going about this all wrong. You should just do what you need to do to wring every bit of another 2 years of contention out of this team, and take the subsequent lean rebuilding years lumps like a man. Watch a DVD of your title years if you get too depressed during the time. The attempt to circumvent after-championship downfall years didn’t work for the post-Jordan Bulls, it’s not working for the Detroit Pistons, and it ain’t gonna work for you either. You’re about to waste the rest of Dirk’s prime chasing an illusion.

Finally, Shannon Brown has agreed to sign with the Suns. So now, if the mega-trade would’ve gone thru, in addition to having no power forwards, the Lake Show would’ve also started camp with exactly one shooting guard? Has the Miami Heat formula of team-building – subtraction by subtraction – suddenly become the sexiest plan in the NBA?

And, keep in mind, all this was just day one. What’s in store for day two?

Off To The Races! NBA Offseason Madness Day 1

Well, it seems like the much-promised, lockout-shortened, whirlwind NBA off-season is certainly coming to fruition, with teams scrambling about like shoppers on Christmas Eve buying up the last-remaining undented goods. Just to recap the day:

* Players & owners vote (separately) on the new Collective Bargaining Agreement
* Jason Kapono to Lakers
* Shane Battier to Heat
* Tracy McGrady to Hawks
* Caron Butler visits with Spurs and tweets happy thoughts
* Tyson Chandler close to signing with the Knicks
* Tayshaun Prince stays in Detroit
* Greg Oden stays in Portland
* Mario Chalmers undecided in Miami
and finally,
* Eddy Curry.......to join the Heat!!!

And all this before 4pm today! You get the feeling this just the tip of the iceberg. Mind you, all of these are just reported from various 'sources', some more iron-clad than others. For example, Shane Battier himself tweeted his intentions, meanwhile the sources say Chandler is a 98% lock, so take some of these with a bit of baited breath-holding. But naturally, that won't stop this Martian from expounding a little on all of these moves.

First and foremost, the possibility of Tyson Chandler signing with the Knicks??? I just wet myself. The legitimate defense-first center that Amare' Stoudemire has needed to play beside for roughly 100% of his NBA-career? (Give or take 0.0%) A guy to wipe the glass and clean up (some of) Carmelo's and Amare's defensive lapses? Somebody pinch me. I literally haven't been this joyed about a Knick signing or trade since 1997. For the uninitiated, that was the off-season of Larry Johnson, Allan Houston (the young, confident, and still-driving- to-the- basket version), Chris Childs, et. al. (tangent: it's impossible to convince me that this team wouldn't have at least gone 7 games with the Bulls were it not for Charlie Ward and P.J. Brown becoming impromptu tango partners on the court. The Knicks were utterly destroying the Heat till that point.) Seriously, I know everyone is giddy about the possibility of adding Chris Paul, but please think for a moment about what Tyson did for the Mavericks. This would be big. Huge even. Somebody pinch me again, harder this time. I don't seem to be waking up.

Shane Battier to the Heat. This is sort of like a Mike Miller do- over signing. I was admittedly concerned (as a Knick fan) about what Miller would bring to the Heat, and thought that was a real good deal (for them), but unfortunately, injuries derailed him, badly. I believe that Heat fans never got to see the player their team signed, and that people who railed on him were and are wholly misguided. Injuries happen, and they make you a shell of yourself until they heal fully. But now, Battier? A career 39% 3-pt shooter who rebounds and defends (something I nor anyone has ever accused Mike Miller of doing)? So the See-Me-Three now have someone to help them expend less defensive energy and to hit spot-up open shots to boot? Damn...I mean, good signing. Potentially of course.

Speaking of spot-up shooters, Jason Kapono to the Lakers. LA gets an outside shooter to open up the floor, the one thing they've desperately needed the past year or more. Of course, seeing as how they've been rumoured to trying to trade half their team, maybe they think they need a lot more than that. But Kapono should help their shooting similar to how Battier (Miller) is (was) thought to help the Miami Hea...wait a second, didn't Miami already *have* Kapono, the shooter they needed? If only they'd found a way to keep him during the great Injustice League SuperFriends union fire sale.

While we're on the Heat, we might as well talk about their other 'signings', starting with one Eddy Curry. Hmm. Now, it's probably been 2 years since I've seen the guy, and he's been working out with the Heat for, what, over a year now? So they must see something, but...what? A no-defending, low-rebounding, poor-passing, anti-run-and-gun big guy, to seat next to Chris Bosh? Besides using him as an offensive black hole, how do the Heat view him as an asset to their team? Is he gonna get boards and outlet to start the Wade/James break? Nope. Ward off slashers to the hoop? Nuh uh, not gonna happen. No amount of weight loss is turning Eddy into a rebounder and defender at this late stage. Perhaps they see him as a second-stringer, to provide offense when the Heat 3 (or at least 2) are on the bench exercising their much-ballyhooed talent of blowing kisses to the crowd. Perhaps; not so far-fetched. Beyond that? Hmmm.

Mario Chalmers works out with the Heat, but is still undecided on where he'll sign. Riiight, because teams all across the NBA are falling all over themselves for his services. This is news simply because it's the Miami Heat, which paradoxically makes it news-worthy because...no one really cares. And while we're on resignees that no one else really wants...

Tayshaun Prince to Detroit, and Greg Oden to Portland. Kind of a shame, with both of these guys, more than anything. Prince was such a prototypical championship-component-type guy, a long defender, decent shooter...and now he just seems to be resigned to playing out his days in Detroit, happy with the one ring (and the many years of contention too I imagine). I'd have thought he'd draw some interest from a contender or two out there...or maybe he's not that interested in uprooting and moving. As for Oden? Since the day he shattered his kneecap going *up* for a rebound (not landing, but taking off -- I mean, of the many times you've jumped to get that plastic bowl off the top cabinet shelf, how often has your knee simply exploded on take-off ?), I've been convinced that his legs are just not made for the sport of basketball -- much like Yao Ming. Nothing short of a double-leg transplant is really gonna change that, and it's really a shame, because they're both high-talent and, by all accounts, good-natured guys whose bodies may just not be made for the sport. I very sincerely hope I am completely and utterly wrong.

Finally, that brings us to T-Mac and Caron Butler. McGrady definitely showed he still has value over the past couple years in NY and Detroit. Sadly not the world-beater he once was, but an effective scorer and passer nonetheless. What will his signing mean? For the Hawks, it must mean Jamal Crawford is even more goner than the gone he already was. For the NBA landscape? I think it's been proven through and through that a team led by Joe Johnson, Al Horford, and Josh Smith will always be good...and not much more than that. That's their rock-solid, bulletproof-glass ceiling: good. (And teams that are merely good teams don't win rings.) As for Caron Butler, love his game, not loving this prospective move. Tim Duncan's best NBA days seem to be moving further into the rearview by the day, and once he's gone, what are the long-term prospects for this team? Will Butler over an amnestied Richard Jefferson be the one ingredient to put them over the top from last year? My mind says not really; he's not likely to fix their lack of defense by his lonesome. (It's weird to mention "lack of defense" and "Spurs" in the same sentence, but that thoroughly describes them last year). So if it's not a ring in the short-term, or title-contention in the long-run...I think Caron can do better.

Finally, the most humourous thing to hear over the past couple days in the NBA were the reports that had the Lakers trading Andrew Bynum and Lamar Odom for Chris Paul, and then trading Andrew Bynum and some combo of Metta World Peace, Pau Gasol and others for Dwight Howard. Admittedly, I haven't checked the rulebook yet, but I'm pretty sure that NBA rules restrict players to being a member of only one team at a time.

On the MLB baseball front, the Greater Los Angeles Area Disneyland Industries Incorporated Limited All Rights Reserved Angels of Anaheim have signed both Pujols and C.J. Wilson? Ahh hell. Oh well, they're the Texas Rangers' problem for right now. Wait, that may be a good thing...I think. Could be worse; you could be a Mets fan watching your team file for Section-8 housing while the formerly-middling Downtown Miami Marlins sign half of last year's All-Star team.

Till next time...

It's Been A Long Time...

...I shouldn't have left you, without a strong rhyme blog to step to...Sorry, I've been on a bit of a nostalgic hip-hop trip lately (That is, during the 5% of the time I'm not listening to reggae). It's been over a year since I've felt compelled to exercise my writing skills, and oh so much has happened in sport since (as could only be the case). No need to try to rehash, review, or relive the past few months, so we'll just all act like I've been writing this whole time. Well, except for maybe one tidbit:

* I've been meaning to write an open thank-you letter to Jim Harbaugh for some time now, so here's my chance.

Dear Coach Harbaugh,
May God bless you and grant you health and happiness for all of your days. Sad as it is to admit, watching the 49ers wallow in mediocrity -- and, in some years, downright ineptitude -- over the past 9 or so years eroded my interest in the NFL. I always fancied myself as a fan that loves sport so much that I'd continue to watch regardless of how good or horrible my team is, and my unwavering interest in the NBA (while maintaining loyalty to the New York Knickerbockers) certainly went a long way to proving that point. But, sadly, the NBA may just be, for me, a unique case. I certainly followed the NFL, paid attention to the weekly happenings, gathered with friends during the playoffs, etc., but there was a definite level of detachment compared to the glory days of Joe Montana and Steve Young. So, Coach, by returning the 49ers to relevancy, you've not only given me back my team, you may have given me back an entire sport. These past 9 years, I've been relegated to cheering for the Giants on several occasions (gag!, ugh!, hack!) -- though I must say we as a world are eternally indebted to them for sparing us the unmitigated horror of a 19-0 season. But, finally, the paper bag can come off; I can watch and root for the 49ers with hope, and without a tinge of shame -- last Thursday's drumming at the hands of an obviously-very-good Ravens team notwithstanding. But I digress. Thank you Coach Harbaugh. Thank you for giving me back my team.

* Seriously, you cannot devote an entire article to the supposed need for NBA contraction and not even so much as mention the economic impact removing teams will have on the dozens of businesses and thousands of people in the cities in which those franchises are located. Cut the Clippers, and Donald Sterling just yawns and goes back to collecting rent money (from everyone but people of colour that is). Mr. Bryant, do you have a job lined up for each of a few thousand freshly unemployed people? I am utterly, thoroughly disgusted that anyone would write so much tripe about saving a few dollars from some billionaire's little side business whim and just completely ignore what a franchise means to the infrastructure of the cities and lives of "regular" people. Howard Bryant, you are the 1%.

* OK, so it's really looking like the NBA now stands for Now Ballin' Again. There's so much you can say about the lockout, but, ah well, it's apparently over now. I've been holding my breath, slightly, since word broke about the agreement, seeing as how it up till now is far from official. But with every day comes news of some move in a positive direction -- the players canceling charity games, reformation of the union -- so I guess it's safe to say...ah damnit, I can't do it. I'm still holding my breath, at least until training camps officially open. Maybe. But for the record, generally speaking, I'm not to be counted along with the majority of jealous, hating fans that openly blame the players for the lockout. You (a player) have a unique commodity that singularly fuels a multi-billion dollar industry. If you think you deserve and can get more for your talents, hey, do you. No one would bat an eye if, say, Lady Gaga postponed releasing an album for a few months while she worked out what she thought was a better deal with her record company. I am certainly not about to sit here in a plush cushiony chair and cry about the "injustice" of losing an entertainment option for 2 months. Cry me a river. The only people with legitimate -- very legitimate -- gripes are all the arena workers, the ushers, concession workers, ticket agents, parking attendants, and the affected businesses, bars, restaurants, what have you, that take a serious financial hit every day those arenas are dark. The rest of us need to go read a book and stop the pampered-child bellyaching.

Anyways, the 49ers are back to relevance, the NBA is (uh, I think, maybe, probably) back in business, and Mystic is back to blogging -- completely irregularly-timed, totally event-driven, externally-motivated blogging that is.

600 HRs And The Pursuit Of Memory Loss

ESPN and the internets are alive with people with severe memory loss. There are endless reams of people falling all over themselves to blame the lack of attention given to Alex Rodriguez's pursuit of his 600th homerun on the fact that he admitted to steroid use in the past. This would seem to indicate that other members of the 600-HR club -- the accepted non-PED users -- received media attention to rival the Miami Heat "Look At Me" Three, right?

Wrong.

To refresh everyone's memories, here is a writeup about the collective yawn the baseball world gave during Ken Griffey Jr's pursuit of 600:

LOS ANGELES – Ken Griffey Jr., the 38-year-old man sitting on the equipment trunk in the corner of the clubhouse this evening, will hit his 600th career home run one of these days, more than all but five players, three of whom are beyond reproach.

Yet, there is no buzz...

Cincinatti Reds teammate Adam Dunn: " It’s a huge deal and it’s almost swept under the rug. I mean, 600. Six hundred! It’s unbelievable. This is so disappointing. He’s a great guy, first and foremost. What he’s done for the game of baseball, it’s sad. It’s a shame. And it’s sad."

So tell me, here you have a guy who is absolutely beloved, who has never been tied to any suspicions of PED's, and yet his 600-club pursuit went largely unheralded. Yet people want us to believe that A-Rod's PED use is the reason his pursuit has not grabbed more attention. Well, it's a load of crap.

Fact is, the baseball world, crazy as it seems, has grown weary of the homerun ball. People barely care about the homerun derby nowadays. And I bet you that Albert Pujols will garner the same type of collective yawn when he starts breaking milestones (he's currently 7 away from 400; notice anyone talking about that?)

The PED use is a crock. Just another example of baseball purists' elevated sense of self-importance.

Tales From The Retired

Ever since the day I heard Walt "Clyde" Frasier's confused and erroneous remark that newly-acquired Knick Glen Rice didn't have a post-up game, I've known that, oftentimes, past NBA greats don't always have their finger on the pulse of the current state of the game. Yet, because they're able to rest on past laurels, people look to them for opinions on today's game, with mixed results. For every brilliant-minded Hubie Brown, there is a stuck-in-a-time-warp Bill Walton (who, at last sighting, mused that the OKC Thunder can't use youth as an excuse if they don't win the championship, because his youthful '77 Blazers were able to climb the mountain to the promised land.  Never mind the fact that there hasn't been another significantly "young" team over the past 40 years to win a ring.  Or that his Blazers were a 3-seed, whereas this year's Thunder never looked to reach higher than 6th, a seed that has seen exactly 1 NBA champion, ever -- and are now positioned 8th, a seed that has never fielded an NBA champion.). For every coaching success ala Phil Jackson or Lenny Wilkens, there are the not-so-glittering forays by Magic Johnson and Larry Bird.

But, recently, the NBA.com world was treated to some gems from the mind of Celtic great John Havlicek:

[Bill] Russell would run people down from behind, much like LeBron (James) does. LeBron's the only guy who runs people down from behind, it seems. He's made some incredible plays this year by doing that. Russell did that on more than one occasion almost every game. You don't see Dwight Howard running down a person from behind.

Come again? Are you serious? With all due respect Mr. Havlicek -- and plenty is due -- do you actually take the time to, I dunno, watch an NBA game or two? Or do you just catch up with the weekly top-10 plays on ESPN? An opinion so distorted would strongly suggest the latter. To imply that Dwight Howard doesn't get back on fast-break D and record some highlight-reel chasedown blocks is utter nonsense. To claim that LeBron is the only guy in the league doing it is, well, well...it's putting a strain on my thesaurus to come up with an adjective to properly describe the ridiculousness of such a claim, that's what it is. Off the top of my head, that basically means you've never watched a game with Howard, Chris Andersen, Josh Smith, Dwyane Wade, Gerald Wallace, Kevin Durant, or hell, even Shannon Brown. (Even Devin freakin Harris has multiple chasedowns this year! Multiple!) Meaning you haven't watched the Magic, Nuggets, Hawks, Heat, Bobcats, Thunder, or Lakers, among others, in the past 5 or so years.

And, given that fact, exactly what NBA basketball are you watching? I've long known that, when we use absolutes like "only", "always", "never", and the like, we're usually begging for trouble. No statement more clearly illustrates that than the above. Is LeBron the most well-known for his chase downs? Naturally. What would you expect; he's LeBron freakin' James. He could sneeze and have the most famous snot ever captured on camera in the NBA. But no one would suggest he's the only player that has ever gotten a stuffy nose.

Watch some games Mr. Havlicek; you're missing some great NBA basketball it would seem.

I now move from the unsupported and unsubstantial to the just-plain-out weird:

At times, [Russell] wouldn't even think about blocking their shot. He wanted to make them aware of his presence. Then during the latter part of the game, he would strike. There are times when he would decoy people to think that they were able to get their shot off. He might let them get the shot off so that they weren't hesitant. Then at the end of the game, he would say, 'Oh, this time I'm gonna get him.' He waited for his chances. He was so smart. Guys today just go up and block a ball.

Ahhm, come again? Did you just, essentially, imply that it's ok for guys to take a few plays off? To let guys score early in a game? To randomly give up points? That this is a good strategy? Is this from the Shaq school of mathematics, where 2 points in the first quarter are worth 5 in the fourth?

How about, oh I dunno, blocking a guy's first, second, and third attempt, so that, at the end of the game, he wouldn't even think about bringing "that weak stuff" in there? Thereby eliminating him altogether?

I mean, whether we're talking about help defense or one-on-one defense, if you stop a guy from even thinking about venturing into the lane, it allows the defender to D up even closer on him further away from the basket, all the way out to the perimeter, effectively removing him from the offense altogether. And to suggest that the league leader in shot blocks should deke a few guys early in the game doesn't even make sense from another perspective: do you think Stan Van Gundy would be ok with seeing Dwight let a guy shoot over him? You might as well pour gas on yourself and light a match if you're not worried about that coach seeing you take a play off. I can just imagine the conversation now: "oh don't worry coach, I'm just wink-wink tricking him into thinking he can shoot over me. Watch, when it's a close game in the 4th quarter -- close only because I spent half the game letting him score -- I'll send his shot back to his momma!"

Furthermore, is anybody really that stupid to fall for this ploy? You think there are players that get a shot or two off and begin to believe to that they're the one guy in the league who has block-proof kryponite in his hands? (Yea, Shaq, that's right, a Superman reference, and I ain't talking about you Bizzaro -- lol, I couldn't resist). Maybe 45 years ago, at least before the advent of video scouting, this would've been possible. At this point, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say: the secret's out, Dwight Howard is a shot-blocker (but just in case, keep it hush-hush, we don't want would-be lane-drivers to catch on...)

We always love, and are forever grateful, to the NBA greats for everything they've done for the game. Unfortunately, too often, those contributions don't readily extend into the realm of accurately commenting on today's game.

P.S. this blog post will self-destruct in 5 seconds, which, incidentally, is 4.8 seconds longer than it would take Stan Van Gundy to implode upon watching Dwight take a play off).

PETA Successfully Defends Its Title...

...as the dumbest, most idiotic collection of moronic jackasses that has ever walked the earth.

PETA pokes fun at Tiger Woods Sex Scandal

Most known for their controversial advertising campaigns, PETA's ad will reportedly include [superimposed on a picture of Tiger Woods] the message, "Too much sex can be a bad thing … for little tigers too. Help keep cats (and dogs) out of trouble: Always spay and neuter!"

Though it may be difficult to find an advertiser willing to post the billboard, Virginia Fort, a campaigner for the animal rights organization, says the ad isn't intended to offend the golfer.

"It's a fun, tongue-in-cheek approach. We hope these billboard companies will understand," Fort said.

As a friend of mine said, perfectly, how does PETA ever hope to be taken seriously by repeatedly engaging in this sort of idiocy?

Let's get a quick updated score on PETA's public antics over the years. First, they compared animal rights to the Jewish Holocaust, and were rightly skewered in the public, threatened by the JADL, pulled the plug on the campaign and apologized. Then, within months, they turned around and compared animal rights to the African Holocaust (slavery, for the uninitiated). They were subsequently skewered, and eventually pulled the plug on the campaign and apologized. Why do I suddenly feel like a broken record?

Then last year, they chastised President Obama for...swatting a fly. Then they wanted to scan Michael Vick's brain to see if the size of his hippocampus would prove he is a sociopath. Then they started a campaign to rebrand all fish with the name "sea kittens".

And now? They believe that poking fun at Tiger's mattress-surfing is the best way to distract people from Tiger's mattress-surfing:

"The world has been transfixed on Tiger's life after Thanksgiving. We're putting the focus where it needs to be," Fort said. "We're sure Tiger will appreciate our attempt — from a story that's distracted the world and followed Tiger — to turn it into something positive for little tigers."

Let's think about this again. PETA says the billboard was an effort to take the focus off Woods' personal life. Seriously. Someone at PETA formulated that thought. Presumably, mulled it over for a second or two. Perhaps ran it by someone. Then, presumably again, handed it off to yet another person, who posted it on their website. Then people came upon the webpage, and no one offered a critique, or a retraction. That's, at the very least, a handful of people that thought this line of reasoning to be sensible, logical.

If PETA actually believes that their antics over the years is helping to win people over to their cause, they are the ones who should be submitting to brain scans. To test for any sign of intelligent life. I merely recalled their holocaust ridiculousness to a friend earlier who described herself as "on the fence" concerning them, and she ran screaming for the ASPCA. True story.

No matter what your cause, your motivation, there is no excuse for any adult to be this patently, repeatedly, stupid. Let alone an entire marketing department, an entire organization.

Congratulations, PETA, on yet another successful title defense.